Category Archives: Faith

Stuck as a Baby Christian

3–4 minutes

“But I, brothers, could not address you as spiritual people, but as people of the flesh, as infants in Christ.”

– 1 Corinthians 3:1

Confession time… I think I’m still a baby Christian.

I know it’s not good to compare your own walk or your own relationship with God with that of others. I always think of what Jesus told Peter when Peter asked what would happen to John the Beloved after Jesus was gone.

“Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.“

– John 21:22

What is that to me? What should it matter to me, how strong someone else’s faith is right? I should be happy for them. However, I find myself being envious. I’m envious of people that make faith seem so easy. People that have the joy of the Lord and people that are spiritually mature.

Why do I think I’m still a baby Christian one might ask. Well, it’s because I still struggle with the spiritual disciplines. I can go months without reading my bible. Mature Christians have a hunger for the Word of God, but this I lack. I’m not consistent with my church attendance, I have many of times foregone going to Church because I did not want to wake up early. Also, my prayer life is basically nonexistent, except for a quick 5 minute prayer before going to bed. Lastly, fasting has showed me how weak I really am. I have given up on a fast more than I can count.

Even though I am for the most part I am an infant Christian, I also know what it’s like to be on fire for the Lord. Every couple of months I remember where my bible is. I find it and I realize just how spiritually starved I really am. Suddenly, I will be reading the bible more consistently and can feel the presence and peace of God again. I begin to see God working in my life again and I start to grieve the time I wasted not seeking Him.

Sadly, these moments never last, never longer than a month.

“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his foolishness.”

– Proverbs 26:11

Yes, that’s me like a dog I return to my own vomit, I give up reading the bible consistently and distract myself with other things. I go back to pleasing the flesh and God starts to feel further and further away.

This will always confuse me the most about the Christian walk, the fact that deep inside my heart I know the right thing to do and I know that my only medicine is God. Yet, I still choose what is not good for me.

“ I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”

– Romans 7:15

I relate with what Paul says in Romans 7:15. As a baby Christian, I feel like I never move past the struggle that Paul laments in this verse. I am constantly doing the things I know I shouldn’t and not doing the things I want to. I know that my soul longs to know God more intimately, however my actions don’t align with this desire. Knowing that Paul also struggled with this makes me feel less alone. Paul is the best exemplary of a true mature Christian and even he had these inner battles.

I hope one day to also become a true mature Christian and I believe that part of maturing is realizing your own weaknesses.

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

– 2 Corinthians 12:9

The comfortable world

3–5 minutes

“Those who work their lands will have abundant food, but those who chase fantasies have no sense.”

– Proverbs 12:11

I believe my Christian walk would be much easier if my world wasn’t so comfortable. I imagine in the past, people had to work really hard to indulge in their hard labor. You wanted to eat a lot of food, well you had to garden your food and wait for months for it to be ready for harvest or you had to physically hunt for your own food.

All it takes me is a couple of clicks on the DoorDash app and the food is on my doorsteps in less than an hour. My mind also doesn’t have to be mentally stimulated to be entertained, I don’t have to read a book or be creative to be entertained, I can just watch my favourite movie or tv show.

My point is that I don’t have to put any work to enjoy something. I have my phone to keep me occupied, if I wanted to I could spent my whole day on TikTok and still not get bored. It’s just so comfortable and easy to be lazy, my laziness is rewarded in this modern world. Laziness used to lead to boredom and boredom would make us so uncomfortable that we just had to make ourselves occupied or busy.

Proverbs 12:11 does mention something interesting, it says those who chase fantasies have no sense… It seems harsh only because I know it pertains to me. I chase fantasies, as much as I love being entertained by my favorite shows or favorite influencers, it’s not real. None of the things I watch are real to me. I have allowed myself to live vicariously through these avenues not realizing it’s what has made me stagnant and has kept me from progressing. If I knew the amount of hours I have wasted on these fantasies, it would be a horrifying realization. It’s not just entertainment either, I have wasted so much of my thoughts daydreaming about my life. Instead of actually putting in the work, daydreaming gave the dopamine of feeling like I accomplished something without doing anything. It’s chasing fantasies.…

It’s a tragedy really, that this comfortable modern world has not only made me a lazy person in general but also a lazy Christian. My Bible has barely been opened in these years, because I wasted so much time chasing fantasies. I have conditioned myself to live by the flesh instead of the Spirit. Like the Bible says the Flesh and the Spirit are at war with each other (Galatians 5:17). At times when I do pick up my Bible, I can feel that impatience within myself, just hoping to quickly read the Bible and return to scrolling on my phone. It’s not surprisingly that the Bible warns us that the desire of other things can Choke the Word of God.

“Others are like the seeds sown among the thorns. They hear the word, but the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.”

– Mark 4:18-19

It’s interesting that in the Bible the percussion that the disciples and early Christians faced was literal death and imprisonment, but despite that their faith was just so strong. Relative to that my struggles seem so minute, because all I need to do is just resist my phone and resist some junk food. In theory it should be easy right? However, I think that is the real paradox. In many ways, I believe that the Christian walk is harder for our flesh in a comfortable world than a hostile world. In a hostile world where death is so near and imminent, your reliance of God is much greater. Sadly, in a comfortable world, resisting the flesh is much more difficult and often God just becomes an after thought in our “busy” lives chasing fantasies.

I wish I had all the solutions but I am still struggling to navigate this world full of pleasures, comforts and distractions. However, I do still have hope, because God let me live another day which means He is not yet done with me and neither is He done with you. His compassions are new everyday and our struggles with the flesh, actually shows us that our reliance on God is still very much needed.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.”

– Lamentations 3:22-23